Man gets into $20k debt for uninsured driving, grandparents expect fiancée to foot the bill: 'They've spent years putting me down'

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
May 13, 2026 7:45 PM EDT

Debt isn't something that anybody will thank you for sharing.

One of the most important things to be on the same page about as a couple is financial matters. When it comes to the breakdown of a relationship, all the flashier stories of affairs or major lifestyle changes tend to take most of the attention, yet many couples struggle because one or both of them has not been wise with their money.

Before agreeing to a major commitment like marriage, it is wise for a prospective spouse to get a good idea of their partner's financial situation and how they are likely to manage it in the future. Any kind of debt can prove to be a major headache that they will expect their loved one to support them through.

It is also important to pay attention to their family's finances. This can also become a major issue, especially when a partner is connected to them financially. Sometimes, it won't be just a spouse who is expected to step up and help them; anyone they are in a relationship with will have to shoulder that responsibility. More often than not, a situation like this is a giant red flag.

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  • A man and a woman argue while sitting on a couch together
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A man and a woman argue while sitting on a couch together

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • A woman was frustrated by the debt her fiancé was in with his grandparents after they bought him another car following an accident. The car was in his name, and he had promised to pay him back.

    His fiancée had been a stay-at-home mom for the past several years, but had recently gone back to work. Now that she had an income, his grandparents, who disliked her, claimed that she should be paying them back instead of their grandson. She did not feel like the money should be her responsibility, but she wasn't sure if she would be wrong to not pay them.

  • Am I wrong for refusing to use my income to pay back my fiancé's debts to his family?

    My fiancé and I have been together since we were teenagers, and his grandparents (who raised him) have never liked me. They've spent years putting me down, calling me names, criticizing me, and generally treating me like I'm the problem in their family.
    via babybunnyy3
  • For the last seven years I was a SAHM raising our son while my fiancé worked. During that time, my fiancé got into a car accident after letting his insurance lapse, which led to around $20k in restitution/costs. His parents helped him financially.
    via babyybunny3
  • Later, they also bought him a car after he promised he would pay them back. The car is completely in his name, not mine, and I was never involved in the agreement and was never asked to repay anything.
    via babyybunnyy3
  • A woman holds her head in her hand while sitting on the couch
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A woman holds her head in her hand while sitting on the couch

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Now I'm back to work, and his grandparents think I should use my income to pay them back for both the accident related costs and the car. They say that because I stayed home instead of working, their grandson needed financial help and they're owed repayment from me too.
    via babyybunnyy3
  • The thing is: I never borrowed money from them, never promised repayment, and none of these debts are legally tied to me. My fiancé made those choices. We mutually agreed that I would stay home and raise our son, because if I were to go to work, it would've only covered daycare costs and now I feel like I'm being blamed and financially punished for being a SAHM.
    via babyybunnyy3
  • Realistically, my entire first year of income would go toward paying his parents back instead of helping our household, our son, or our future.
    via babyybunnyy3
  • I do understand that their financial help. indirectly benefited our family, so part of me feels guilty. But another part of me feels like they're unfairly targeting me instead of holding their grandson accountable. AITAH for refusing to take responsibility for paying them back?
    via babyybunnyy3
  • A man touches his hair with his hand while sitting on a couch
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A man touches his hair with his hand while sitting on a couch

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.
     

  • AbbreviationsLive569 Your fiancé needs to step in and tell his grandparents to stop harassing you about the money and to deal with him directly. If he's unwilling to stand up to them, that will tell you a lot.
    via AbbreviationsLive569
  • Also, be extremely cautious about marrying and mixing your finances with someone who has unpaid debts. It's not your responsibility now, but if you get married then his money troubles will become your money troubles. He's already shown some worryingly irresponsible behavior, like letting
    via AbbreviationsLive569
  • his insurance lapse—is this someone you want to have your finances mixed up with?
    via AbbreviationsLive569
  • Veblen1 You're marrying someone who can't pay their debts?
    via Veblen1
  • stephlane80 Don't give them your money. Are you sure you want to be a part of this family?
    via stephlane80
  • AgonistPhD NTA. Stop talking to these awful people. Why isn't your fiancé fielding their bulls ?
    via AgonistPhD
  • fickledove123 Run. These people have been horrible to you, and he allowed it. You have a fiance problem.
    via fickledove123
  • Fun_Nothing5136 Thank goodness you haven't married him yet. Seriously, don't. Grandparents are evil. What does fiancé say? If he's down with also strong-arming you, just leave. You and your kiddo. Do you really want this to be the rest of your life?
    via Fun_Nothing5136
  • Living-Ear8015 NTA, but why are you engaged to marry someone that you aren't a team with? How is your finance planning to pay back his family? You realise that your household income with take a serious hit, regardless of who pays them back?
    via Living-Ear8015
  • Downtown Double_4251 NTA. Be very careful.
    via Downtown_Double_4251
  • OodlesofCanoodles LOL why are you getting married this year? Pull your credits and figure out your plans
    via OodlesofCanoodles

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family drama debt family grandparents car relationships argument fiancee
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